Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
