is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
