My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
And then my night got REAL pukey
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
