Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
