so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize