Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
"it" just moved
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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