dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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