Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
