Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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