I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Randomize
