But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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