Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
