just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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