Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize