cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
