You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Sorry about my life...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
