imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
