look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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