We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
