if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
