You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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