that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
