I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
