I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You've changed since you got that strap on
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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