I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
