We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
meet me or not, i'm out of control
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
