i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
