Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
