you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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