I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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