new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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