I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
