i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
