I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Congratulations! We have a period
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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