It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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