Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize