Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
