So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
