my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
His nipple licking is glorious
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