she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
