i barfeds in our rink
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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