it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
