you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
