i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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