Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
