Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
