man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
