You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
