On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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