Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
