I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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