These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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