worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
where are my eyebrows?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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