i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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