Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
