They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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