Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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