I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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