I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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