Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
They have beer where we have blood.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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