Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
