for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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