I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
