so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
