He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
