YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
