I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Randomize
