I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
