dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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