I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
