I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
