Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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